Friday, January 29, 2010

Time for me to be a BITCH!

So I'm going to have myself a little bitch fest. If you are easily offended, turn back. If foul language bothers you, go watch an episode of Happy Days. If you know know that I'm not sympathetic. Sensitive people and their "feelings", take a hike.

1. Little boogery kids in the grocery store, Liv's school, playground and other places I happen to visit on any given day : STOP touching Sophia's hands and mouth. Why do small children feel the need to stick their germ infested, swine flu infected, nasty little hands in my child's mouth? I don't mind people oogling over my ridicuously beautiful baby...but NO TOUCHIE!

2. Comments I NEVER want to hear when I am out running errands and people feel the need to give me their input on parenting

2A- "awww, it's someone's naptime"
2B- "wow, you've got your hands full!"
2C- "ut oh! that's one unhappy little girl!"
2D- "Have you tried (insert medication brand)?"

Actually no, it's not her naptime. Oh? My hands are full? I didn't notice!! I have a baby in my arms, a full cart of groceries, stuff falling out of my purse, a toddler running after me and your stupid ass is standing there looking at me a freakin moron! HAHA! How about instead of standing there like a the door for me or maybe *gasp* ask if I need help. And no, I do not medicate the disease known as cranky ass kids.

3. When you find out my husband is in the military/deployed...Don't ask stupid questions and don't feel sorry for me. It doesn't make me feel better when you say "omg, you are so strong, I cant live one day without my husband!" Or "how do you do it?" Or "at least it's not Iraq" Or (the worst) "Arent you afraid something will happen to him?"
I don't have any choice in the matter. They tell him to go, he goes. They tell him how long, thats how long. And no, I can't tell you when he is coming home because I DON'T KNOW! And yes, you bitch...of course I am afraid something will happen to him. Every second of everyday I worry. What a stupid ass question.

4. Why does Sophia feel the need torture me? I love that kid more than anything but holy shit. Torture. Not only does she take off her shoes and socks EVERY.SINGLE.PLACE.WE.GO...but she rips the soles out of the shoes too. So upon arrival (and it just so happens when Im running late she does this) I have to located 6 pieces of footwear, 2 socks, 2 shoes and 2 soles. Then fight her to put them on. STOP IT SOPH! (this is only of of her torture tactics against me)

5. I am not getting the H1N1 vaccination for my kids. Stop asking me. Frankly, it's none of anyones business what vaccinations I do or do not give my kids. Period.

6. My favvvvvvv topic to bitch about. Being a stay at home mom. I understand many moms out there have to (or want to) go to work. I respect thee. And have many working mom friends. They rock. But there are select few out there who make it a point to make stay at home moms feel like shit for "doing nothing". I was on a phone call with Tricare (our insurance company) and the lady asked my occupation and I said homemaker. She said "so you just stay at home?" I spared her the wrath of Lindsey and just said yes. But what the fuck? "JUST stay at home". I assure you women (and men) that staying at home with kids, is more work in ONE DAY than you do at a week at the office. Especially (and I dont use this often) with a deployed husband.
I am Mom and Dad. I am chef, chaufer, referee, photographer, teacher, dry cleaner, maid, personal hygenist, therapist, I swear I could go on for days. Being a stay at home IS and will always be, the HARDEST job in the world.

If you bothered to read my entire bitch fest, I thank you. I wonder if anyone feels the same way? If I offended you, get over it. You're being too sensitive. Other than that....have a great weekend!!!!!


lori said...

wow linz feel better. I hear ya! been there done that.

rachel said...

I totally agree with everything you said here. I am with you!

The Mama

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