Time for me to be a BITCH!

So I'm going to have myself a little bitch fest. If you are easily offended, turn back. If foul language bothers you, go watch an episode of Happy Days. If you know me...you know that I'm not sympathetic. Sensitive people and their "feelings", take a hike.

1. Little boogery kids in the grocery store, Liv's school, playground and other places I happen to visit on any given day : STOP touching Sophia's hands and mouth. Why do small children feel the need to stick their germ infested, swine flu infected, nasty little hands in my child's mouth? I don't mind people oogling over my ridicuously beautiful baby...but NO TOUCHIE!

2. Comments I NEVER want to hear when I am out running errands and people feel the need to give me their input on parenting

2A- "awww, it's someone's naptime"
2B- "wow, you've got your hands full!"
2C- "ut oh! that's one unhappy little girl!"
2D- "Have you tried (insert medication brand)?"

Actually no, it's not her naptime. Oh? My hands are full? I didn't notice!! I have a baby in my arms, a full cart of groceries, stuff falling out of my purse, a toddler running after me and your stupid ass is standing there looking at me a freakin moron! HAHA! How about instead of standing there like a jackass...open the door for me or maybe *gasp* ask if I need help. And no, I do not medicate the disease known as cranky ass kids.

3. When you find out my husband is in the military/deployed...Don't ask stupid questions and don't feel sorry for me. It doesn't make me feel better when you say "omg, you are so strong, I cant live one day without my husband!" Or "how do you do it?" Or "at least it's not Iraq" Or (the worst) "Arent you afraid something will happen to him?"
I don't have any choice in the matter. They tell him to go, he goes. They tell him how long, thats how long. And no, I can't tell you when he is coming home because I DON'T KNOW! And yes, you bitch...of course I am afraid something will happen to him. Every second of everyday I worry. What a stupid ass question.

4. Why does Sophia feel the need torture me? I love that kid more than anything but holy shit. Torture. Not only does she take off her shoes and socks EVERY.SINGLE.PLACE.WE.GO...but she rips the soles out of the shoes too. So upon arrival (and it just so happens when Im running late she does this) I have to located 6 pieces of footwear, 2 socks, 2 shoes and 2 soles. Then fight her to put them on. STOP IT SOPH! (this is only of of her torture tactics against me)

5. I am not getting the H1N1 vaccination for my kids. Stop asking me. Frankly, it's none of anyones business what vaccinations I do or do not give my kids. Period.

6. My favvvvvvv topic to bitch about. Being a stay at home mom. I understand many moms out there have to (or want to) go to work. I respect thee. And have many working mom friends. They rock. But there are select few out there who make it a point to make stay at home moms feel like shit for "doing nothing". I was on a phone call with Tricare (our insurance company) and the lady asked my occupation and I said homemaker. She said "so you just stay at home?" I spared her the wrath of Lindsey and just said yes. But what the fuck? "JUST stay at home". I assure you women (and men) that staying at home with kids, is more work in ONE DAY than you do at a week at the office. Especially (and I dont use this often) with a deployed husband.
I am Mom and Dad. I am chef, chaufer, referee, photographer, teacher, dry cleaner, maid, personal hygenist, therapist, I swear I could go on for days. Being a stay at home IS and will always be, the HARDEST job in the world.



If you bothered to read my entire bitch fest, I thank you. I wonder if anyone feels the same way? If I offended you, get over it. You're being too sensitive. Other than that....have a great weekend!!!!!

Park Sneaking

This afternoon we enjoyed some relaxation at the park. I always sneak into this park in the subdivision next to us. The moms are so possessive of this park! They always ask me which phase I live in and I'm always like "umm...over there (point)" I think I was busted today though. Time to find a new park. Anyway, the kids had fun and I snapped a few pics.

The scenery at this park is soooo nice. Lots of wildlife and such pretty water. It's not one of those nasty run off "ponds" around here. It's an actual lake. Love it!

Sophia just gets cuter and cuter everyday!

My big girl is getting so mature! I can't believe she is almost 4!! I feel old.

Sophia gazing at the birds flying overhead. She was quiet for about 12 whole seconds!!

It was a fun day, and we only suffered one injury!

Waxing ; ladies eyes only!

I have read this story before and it's hilarious every time. (IT'S NOT MY PERSONAL STORY!) As women, we have all had our beauty mishaps and misfortunes. Don't lie...you know you have. For all my fellow waxers out there...I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. Oh yeah...don't even think about try it at home. (trust me, seriously) Just go to a professional for about $40 bucks and 6 weeks of smoothness :) Enjoy the story ;

'To wax or not to wax?'

Subject: Only the ladies understand such pain!

Warning: do not try this at home...

All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless removal -the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the EpilStop, and now, "The Wax".

My night began as any other normal weekday night. I came home from work, fixed dinner for my son and we played for a while. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple hours: maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet.

I set up my boy with a video and head to the site of my demise, um, I mean bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them apart, press it on your leg (or wherever) and ignore the frantically rising crescendo of string instruments in the background. No muss, no fuss.

How hard can this be? I mean, I'm not the girly-est of girls but I'm mechanically inclined so maybe I can figure out how this works. You'd think.

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other, stuck together. I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and soften the wax (I'm guessing). I go one better: I pull out the hair dryer and heat the SOB to ten thousand degrees. Cold wax, my ass. (Oh, how that phrase will come back to haunt me.) I lay the strip across my thigh. I hold the skin around it and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but it wasn't bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am Sheera, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!

With my next wax strip, I move north.

After checking on the boy and verifying that he was, in fact, becoming one with Bear and learning all about smells, I sneak into the bathroom for The Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I then apply the wax strip across the right side on my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching up into the inside of the right butt cheek. (Yeah, it was a long strip.) I inhale deeply. I brace myself.

RRRIIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind! Blind from the pain! Vision returning. Oh crap. I've managed to pull off half an inch of the strip. Another deep breath. And RIIIP! Everything is swirly and tie-dyed? Do I hear crashing drums? OK, coming back to normal again. I want to see my trophy - my wax covered pelt that caused me so much agony. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold the wax strip like an Olympic gold medallist. But why is there no hair on it? Why is the wax mostly gone? Where could the wax go, if not on the strip?

Slowly, I eased my head down, my foot still perched on the toilet. I see hair - the hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I feel. I am touching wax. I look to the ceiling and silently shout "nooooooo!!" And realize I have just begun living my own personal version of "The Tar Baby."

I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that is now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big mistake - up until this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the toilet.

I know I need to move, to do something. So I put my foot down on the floor. And then I hear the slamming of the cell door.

Vagina? Sealed shut.

Butt? Sealed shut.

A little voice in my head says, "I hope you don't have to poop anytime soon. Your head just might pop off."

I penguin-walk around the bathroom, trying desperately to figure out what I should do next.

Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand and get in - the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right?

Wrong. I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. And I sit.

Now the only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub.

In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, does not melt the cold wax. So now I'm stuck to the tub.

I call my friend, C, because she once dropped out of beauty school so surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It's never good to start a conversation with "So my butt and naughty bits are stuck to the tub." She doesn't have a trick. She does her best to suppress laughter. She wants to know exactly where the wax is on the butt - "Are we talking cheek or hole, here?" she asks. She isn't even trying to hide the giggles now.

I give her the run-down of the entire night. She tells me to call the number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where the wax actually is. "You know that if we were working the help line at XX Wax Co. and somebody called with their entire crack sealed shut we'd just put them on hold then record the conversation for everyone we know. You're going to end up on a radio show or the internet if you tell them the truth."

While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the wax off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies than covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and THEN dry shaving the sticky wax off!

In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to other subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the lotion provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start screaming "It's working! It's working!" I get hearty congratulations from C and we hang up.

I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, the hair is still there. So I shaved the darned stuff off...... I was numb by that point anyway.

And then I put the box of wax back in my medicine cabinet.

Never know when a moustache might start to come in.

Tonight, I attempt hair dying.

Mike's Address

I got an address for Mike finally! If anyone would like to send a care package, let me know and I will get you the address. ( I dont want to post on here for privacy ) I am so proud of my husband! Keep Mike and Nate in your prayers everyone!!

Hair.

Here are a few pics of the kids on a lazy Saturday afternoon. Liv changes Sophia's diaper! My girls have SO much hair!!!! Every one thinks they are so much older than they are because of their hair!!! They must get the awesome hair from their mama :) We went to see manatees today but didnt get any good pics!! So enjoy these ones...and check out my youtube for some new videos!

Dinner with extended family

We had some friends come for dinner tonight. They are the parents of a close friend of ours and they come down to Florida (from Maine) for the winters. Olivia fell in love instantly and had Rita running in circles for about an hour! Sophia warmed up to Richard too! They were so cute! Thanks again for coming!!!! We had a blast! :)

And thanks for the flowers!!

Fun with Fish

We went to The Florida Aquarium today. We've been loads of time and it's always fun. They have a lot of exhibits and lots of hands on stuff for kids. And we all know...Isaac and Olivia love to touch EVERYTHING. Soph was pretty quiet as she just took in all the millions of fishies.

I heard from Mike today. He's doing ok. Sounded pretty tired. They are working some long hours but he was optimistic. Deployments are tough...but they really make you appreciate one another and I am already counting the days until he comes home!! Miss you Mike!!!

Yes, she still has her paci. We're working on it. Keep your comments to yourself :)

The beautiful Ms Phuong and her "other" Child.

Girls bathroom

The girls bathroom has been bugging me for a while. The underwater theme creatures starting staring at me...I swear! I do love this set...but I was wanting something softer. Here is the before picture:

Here are the after pictures :

I added an over the potty storage shelf. New towels and accessories, a shower curtain, rug and a couple of baskets...as well as toothbrush holder and soap dish. The only money I spent was $10 on the shower curtain (shabby chic line from Target) and the little angel figurine was $7 at HomeGoods. The rest...I bought at Kmart with a gift card. (about $70) Hooray for a $17 bathroom change!

I think my favorite part is the pink basket (which I stole from Sophia's room)...I added a mini chalk board with some ribbon and wrote "bath" on it.

I also added a towel bar on the far left wall. I plan to put some art above it when I find the right piece.

The Story of Cynthia

The story of Cynthia:

Olivia got Cynthia (aka Tata) when she was 4 months old from my mom. Mike named her randomly and it stuck. It was love at first sight. She started carrying her around in her mouth until she could walk. She was there through hospital stays, birthdays, deployments, first day of school and everything in between. Liv will be 4 very soon and Cynthia is still with her nearly every moment of everyday. We have gone through several. The first picture is her very first one. She lost her and a very generous mom from one of my mommygroups sent me another one. After that I started buying them on ebay.

As most of you know, Olivia lost Cynthia last week and it was a very tough couple of days. Thank God I found her!!!! I tried giving her one of the replacemnts (normally 2 bucks at Walmart but they stopped selling them and I pay $15 on Ebay.) but she knows the difference now a days. Here are some pics throughout the days of Cynthia. In each and every pic...Cynthia is somewhere! I was going through pics and its so easy to put a little blog like this together because she is in every picture!!! Too funny! Cynthia is looking pretty rough!!!!
















Olivia loves every craft on the planet. The Powell Family got her this awesome art easel for Christmas. I wasn't feeling too well today so I set this up with some markers and paint and it kept her busy for almost 2 hours! And it matches her table from Nanny perfectly! Go Liv!

Bath Time

Here are my girls being silly. I don's think Olivia's eyes could open any wider...and I'm pretty sure Sophia was giving me serious attitude in this picture. Enjoy :)
Mike is heading from Qatar to Afghanistan tomorrow morning..Pray for his safety please!!!

Beware of the Foot!

Check out my foot!!! I suffered a couch injury on Saturday and thought I broke my toe. Now I am thinking its more that bone that skinny bone that connects the toe (proximal phalanx). WHICHEVER bone it is...it freakin hurts!!! The swelling is working its way down my foot. I still havent gone to the docs...Have I mentioned I hate the docs?? OUCH!!!!

Giant Muffins

Happy Monday! It's still chilly here in Tampa so we made some warm goodies today. Liv helped whip up some fresh blueberry muffins with my new Jumbo muffin pan! Man, I love that thing!! These muffins are HUGE! We also made some of my homemade chicken noodle soup...this time I made it all with organic ingredients too! Yum!!! Enjoy the pics :)

Circus!

Today we went to the Ringling Brother Barnum & Bailey Circus! We had tons of fun! We went with Phuong, Isaac, Erin and Ethan! Sophia was a bit cranky...I don't recommend the circus for an 18 month old. Man, the circus sure has come a long way from when I went when I was younger. The tricks they do are amazing! Check out my youtube channel for a few videos @ http://www.youtube.com/user/morselindsey. Enjoy the pics below!! Enjoy the pics!!!

P.S. I am pretty sure I broke my foot yesterday...I am heading to the docs tomorrow to check it out! Wish me luck!

Let it Snow!

Happy Weekend!! Yup, this is a picture of snow in Florida this morning! The low today was 28! This picture was taken about 10 min east of us. Crazy huh?! Anyhoo, We took a trip to Ikea today which was not awesome (to say the least). Sophia was just having a cranky day. I did however find a bed frame I am eying. For some reason Ikea always gives me a ridiculous headache. We came back here and had a nice playdate and dinner with Phuong and Isaac. Tomorrow we are heading to the circus!! Woohoo! Stay tuned for pics. Enjoy the ones from today. Have a great weekend everyone and stay warm!!!!!

snow!!!